An Open Letter to a Facebook Friend

Disclaimer: If you think you recognize yourself in some or all of this post, please understand that it is not directed at any one specific individual Facebook friend. Rather it a composite of a lot of the behaviors of a surprisingly large number of my Facebook friends, which I find deeply troubling.- FS

Dear Facebook Friend,

What has happened to you? Although it has been years since we spent any real time together in person, I have followed your life events and learned your opinions on many topics through the magic of social networking. I remember you as always being opinionated, and sometimes strongly so, but you always stayed a respectful conversationalist and someone who didn’t take himself too seriously. Because of this, all of our interactions featured your easy style of humor.

Over the last several years I have been alarmed by the drastic if gradual changes in your tone of voice, not to mention your opinions themselves. You now frequently speak of yourself in the third person. Your posts never begin with “I think …” or “In my opinion …”; rather, everything you say is presented as incontrovertible fact, giving no quarter to, or even admitting the existence of, the opinions of others. In fact, when differences of opinions are acknowledged, they are dismissed as being “stupid,” or the other person is characterized as a “dumbass.”  My friend, these are the classic symptoms of narcissism. Look it up.

You consistently claim to be a staunch defender and admirer of strong women, but under your posts’ attempts at humor lurks the unmistakable odor of cynicism and more than a little sexism, conscious or unconscious. Your avowed hero is a self-confessed sexual predator who has called women the most crude and degrading names. You disproportionately target women in general and women of color in particular for your critical political posts. These are a few of the classic traits of the misogynist. Look it up.

You have chosen to follow your avowed political party down a dark road, blindly supporting a corrupt and fundamentally dishonest leader. Why is this? In my opinion, many of the president’s supporters are longing for simplicity in all things, and embrace a shallow, reassuring worldview. You are a climate change denier. You are fiercely anti-immigrant. You see conspiracies everywhere, no matter how thoroughly they are debunked. From where I sit, it looks like deep inside yourself you realize that you do not possess the intellectual horsepower to deal with the complexities of the real world, which accounts for the shallowness of your reasoning and your parroting of conservative media tropes. You have failed consistently in most if not all of both your professional and personal relationships, and looking at your posts over the years it is painfully obvious what emotion has come to dominate you: hate.

All of this makes me deeply sad, since the friend I remember exhibited none of the above traits. But the saddest thing for me is the perverted, intensely hypocritical nature of your claims regarding religion. The majority of your nasty, hateful posts are directly contradictory to the teachings of Jesus Christ, particularly your posts on immigration, welfare, and minorities. The hypocrisy here is so glaringly obvious that it’s hard to believe that your friends (and likely even you if you are at all self-aware) don’t see the creeping cynicism, racism, sexism, and hate that permeates your posts. I can only hope that your God will find a way to open your eyes to these truths, even as your posts become pettier and more misanthropic.

Look it up.

Your friend,

Frank

Portland, OR

March 4, 2020